We’re well into May, which means it is finally safe!! Safe to talk about April!! No mere Climate Bandit could put it nearly as well as T.S. Eliot in his poem “The Waste Land,” now regarded as being one of the most important of the 20th century:
April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.–T.S. Eliot
You don’t have to be a climate expert to know that April is not the coolest month, even since records began.
Eliot was living in the Northern Hemisphere, but if we want to bring it closer to home in the US, we need to look no further than the reference of Robert Mace, Executive Director of the Meadows Center, to taxes. Yes, you have that right. Every April 15, the Internal Revenue Service is (and has been) doing its part to perpetuate the Eliotian understanding of dread associated with April. Now I hear they’re gonna do that with guns. Oh yeeeees, that will definitely add to the allure of April. Not my problem of course, since, HeLLLLLo, yoo-hoo, I am a Bandit (my second choice for a profession was bar fly, but sometimes fate just intervenes; my parents are relieved that my first choice worked out, though sometimes I think there would have been better job security with my second choice).
If George Washington were alive today?
My dread of April is not personal. It is purely professional, starting with April Fool’s Day. Before I became the Climate Bandit, I had the usual light-hearted pleasure on this day, joining in the fun myself on occasion, other times enjoying it from afar, for instance, in the publications of that well-respected science journal, the Annals of Improbable Research.
The popular press deserves credit as well. I remember when the weekly periodical The Economist promised us it was building a theme park called Econoland, which would combine the magic of a fair with the scintillating excitement of macroeconomics. Zoh. My. God. I was so thrilled about that. I was certain that all the Cirque du Soleil-style trapeze artists would help me maximize the value of my investments. But, instead, it was a cruel April Fool’s prank.
A dream evening at Econoland where trapeze meets economics.
That was then; this is now. In my work as Climate Bandit, how am I to create an April Fool’s article? Possible topics:
- That people who are not climate scientists by training know more about climate science than climate scientists do,
- That renewable energy, so far neither renewable nor efficient, will save us,
- That we should use genetic engineering to reduce the size of humans, thus reducing the carbon footprint of humans, humans being the mammal whose total mass on the planet is currently over ten times that of all other wild mammals combined (see here and here),
- That burning energy we do not have to recapture carbon dioxide that we produced to obtain energy is a sound and sane plan (Recharge, who consider themselves the world’s leading business intelligence source for the renewable energy industries, disagree),
- That a prerequisite to being an effective climate activist is to fly around the world in a private jet giving sage lectures and issuing stark reprimands, none of which seems to involve any actionable outcomes.
Do you see the difficulty? How could anyone write an April Fool’s article that would strain credibility further or induce more mirth than the existing “true stories” above?
Not April Fool’s.
Now we have the ultimate April Fool’s event. Not an article or cartoon; an event. And it’s gaining traction. It is called Earth Day; an event craftily rescheduled to April 22 so that the unsuspecting would not realize that it is an April Fool’s event. It did not begin as a gala, however. Instead, the first Earth Day was a protest. It was held on April 22, 1970, and is estimated to have attracted 20 million Americans, 10% of the US population at the time. This protest against increasing environmental degradation is widely credited with a wide range of outcomes in the US and beyond, including the 1972 Stockholm Declaration on the Human Environment asserting that humans have a fundamental right to an environment that permits a life of dignity and well-being.
An estimated 7,000 demonstrators in Philadelphia on Earth Day, April 22, 1970; they were all peaceful at a protest. Who knew? Source: AP Photo
In 1990, 20 years after the first Earth Day, it was still a protest; however, part of the protest concerned capture, i.e., a process whereby commercial concerns, and in this case a famously Earth-unfriendly concern, infiltrate and alter organizational efforts, starting with the provision of funding. Earth Day attendees in 1990 labeled it “Smurf Day” in honor of cartoon characters and presented a check to the 1990 Earth Day Committee in St. Louis, Missouri, protesting that Monsanto was the main sponsor of the event. Monsanto’s environmental record was so negative for so long that, soon after acquiring it, the Bayer company decided to drop the Monsanto name as part of a wider campaign to win back consumer trust.
The year: 1990. When Earth Day first began to change into Smurf Day. Source: Global Justice Ecology Project
While Monsanto may have been an innovating pioneer in the domain of Earth Day capture, its efforts seem modest by modern standards. Today, Earth Day is not a protest, but an extravaganza of fun for the whole family. At the larger gatherings, major energy companies, including nuclear and fossil fuel energy producers, encourage attendees to view their efforts as green.
Earth Day in the 21st century. Sources: (left photo) Exxon Mobile Twitter, (right photo) Coca-Cola Facebook
There is plenty to see, do, and, most importantly, acquire (for free) or buy! T-shirt anyone? It’s officially sanctioned by Earth Day! Surely some wind turbine someplace is offsetting the carbon?
All Earth friendly, carbon neutral, plastic-free, and no trees were harmed?
While at “Earth Day,” let’s not forget the food. At the events I have attended in the last few years, that includes loads of beef! But, should you object to beef as being climate unfriendly, have no fear – a vegan food truck is here with planet-saving vegan fried foods. Yay. And there is music, all of which that I have seen is diligently electrified. No non-electrified buskers need apply, thank you very much. The one vegan food truck has us covered for those offsets!
This is a small representation of food you could encounter at a modern Earth Day event. Left – barbeque (because, as the ad says, if we want to save the Earth, we need to send toiletries and clothing to South America); middle – vegan breaded and fried macaroni and not-cheese; and right…wait a minute! This is a photo from an Earth Day event. Is this some sort of Ron Swanson meet-your-meat kind of thing?
While we engage children in meet-your-meat, let’s teach them other Earth and climate-friendly habits. These might include, for instance, cooking up some seriously sugar- and dye-filled snacks using plastic cups!
Earth Day chocolate pudding with worms. The recipe calls for instant chocolate pudding, milk, whipped cream, Oreos, clear plastic cups, and, to keep it from being too bland, some gelatin and dye/sugar bombs known as gummy worms. Source: Kids Activities Blog
The new Earth Day is a lot more fun than a low-carbon protest conducted on the shoe-sole express. We can all take comfort in the idea that, if these energy-guzzling, soft-drink-slurping, electrified, and sugar and fried food efforts do not save the Earth, there will be acceptable alternatives on Mars.
If taco production fails on Earth, exciting alternatives await on Mars.
April is indeed the cruelest month for the Earth, now that Earth Day is successfully captured, and for the humble Climate Bandit. But. April is over. There is work to do. As a bandit, it is time for me to carry on with provocation and mischief while evading capture (both environmental and having the staff of the Meadows Center capture my identity). What do you say, yes to changing habits for “Earth Day, every day,” or do you prefer yes to Earth-colored cupcakes? Let us know in the comments →
Literature on expert scientific consensus regarding climate
Myers, KF., et al., 2021. Consensus revisited: quantifying scientific agreement on climate change and climate expertise among Earth scientists 10 years later. Environmental Research Letters. 16 (10): 104030. doi:10.1088/1748-9326/ac2774.
Lynas, M. et al., 2021. Greater than 99% consensus on human caused climate change in the peer-reviewed scientific literature. Environmental Research Letters. 16 (11): 114005. doi:10.1088/1748-9326/ac2966.
Powell, J.L. 2017. Scientists Reach 100% Consensus on Anthropogenic Global Warming. Bulletin of Science, Technology & Society. 37 (4): 183–184. doi:10.1177/0270467619886266.
Cook, J. et al., 2016. Consensus on consensus: a synthesis of consensus estimates on human-caused global warming. Environmental Research Letters. 11 (4): 048002. doi:10.1088/1748-9326/11/4/048002.
Carlton, J.S. et al., 2015. The climate change consensus extends beyond climate scientists. Environmental Research Letters, 10 (2015) 094025, 1–12. doi:10.1088/1748-9326/10/9/094025.
Stenhouse, N. et al., 2014. Meteorologists’ Views About Global Warming: A Survey of American Meteorological Society Professional Members. Bulletin of the American Meteorological Society, 95 (7), 1029–1040. doe: 10.1175/ BAMS-D-13-00091.1.
Powell, J.L., 2015. Climate Scientists Virtually Unanimous: Anthropogenic Global Warming Is True. Bulletin of Science. Technology & Society. 35 (5–6): 121–124. doi:10.1177/0270467616634958.
Verheggen, B., et al., 2014. Scientists’ Views about Attribution of Global Warming. Environmental Science & Technology. 48 (16): 8963–8971. doi:10.1021/es501998e.
Cook, J., et al., 2013. Quantifying the consensus on anthropogenic global warming in the scientific literature. Environmental Research Letters. 8, 024024. doi:10.1088/1748-9326/8/2/024024.
Powell, J.L., 2012. The State of Climate Science: A Thorough Review of the Scientific Literature on Global Warming, Science Progress.Farnsworth and Lichter, 2012. The Structure of Scientific Opinion on Climate Change. International Journal of Public Opinion Research. 24: 93–103. doi:10.1093/ijpor/edr033.
Anderegg, W.R.L. et al., 2010. Expert credibility in climate change. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 107 (27): 12107–12109. doi:10.1073/pnas.1003187107.
Doran, P.T., et al., 2009. Examining the Scientific Consensus on Climate Change (PDF). EOS. 90 (3): 22–23. doi:10.1029/2009EO030002.
Oreskes, N., 2004. The scientific consensus on climate change. Science, 306, 1686, doi: 10.1126/science.1103618.
Articles on private jet travel by environmental and climate advocates
- Should one use a private jet to campaign over climate crisis? (The Guardian)
- Bill Gates claims his private jet habit ‘not part of’ climate problem (New York Post)
- John Kerry rushes to defense of climate activist leaders who use private jets (Fox News)
- Flying shame: the scandalous rise of private jets (The Guardian)
- Climate Advocates Swift, Oprah, Spielberg Called Out for Private Jet Use (Newsweek)
- Prince Charles flew 16,000 miles in just 11 days using three private jets and one helicopter before proudly posing with Greta Thunberg in Davos (Daily Mail)
- Billionaires Tears: Will Climate Protestors Cancel The $28 Billion Private Jet Business? (Forbes)
- Climate Activists, Including Scientists, Are Arrested in Protests at Private Airports (New York Times)
- Private jet emissions quadruple during Davos summit (Yahoo!)
- Greenpeace blasts number of private jets heading to WEF (SWI)
Articles related to the capture of Earth Day
- Earth Day: the ultimate empty gesture (Grist)
- I’m an Environmental Journalist and I Hate Earth Day (Mother Jones)
- Here’s A Social Impact Campaign NOT To Emulate This Earth Day (Forbes)
- Two Examples of Why People are Cynical About Climate “Science” (Washington Policy Center)
- Don’t allow our parks to be greenwashed on Earth Day by Coca-Cola (Change.org)